Philosophia

The longest days are those you spend home alone with your computer.

And now that I have a verified paypal account, they are also slowly becoming the most EXPENSIVE days.

I wrote a tally of things that I will be expecting in the mail for the next two weeks:

• NRFB Blythe Ichigo Heaven: pink-haired dream girl! (Sorry to all my friends who have tried to intervene with my rapidly growing expensive habit, I promise this will be my last)

• Used Blythe Love Mission (I spoke too soon!)
• Brainworm eye chips in 6 colours
• A cute red hoodie
• The cutest shoes ever to be made

• A pair of custom tailored mary janes with BURGERS!, from the same seller
• 2 x knitted aminomopop hats
• 4 wooden hand-painted mushrooms

• A random mix of cute japanese printed fabric
• A hand-made blythe dress

I haven’t added up what the total is, and I’m afraid to. As long as I have enough in my savings to pay for the rent, it’s all good! (Or at least, that’s what I’m telling myself)

I’m actually really looking forward to these holidays. The good thing about uni holidays over high school ones is the fact that there is no work carried over, so it really is like being completely free. Shame about it being so short though. At the moment, I’m just bumming around at college, but once I go home I’m looking forward to some major craftage on my part (expect one update a day).

Today’s been a generally lazy day. Cissy, Kaka and Jessie, who stayed in my room (illegally, I might add) just left yesterday, and I feel a little restless. It was so surreal having friends you haven’t seen in so long hang out with you again. Ever since I moved I feel like I’ve sort of stopped appreciating my old friends because I see them so rarely, so their trip was such a nice reminder.

Okay enough soppiness. As promised in the heading, there was one more thing I’d talk about today, which are BLUE SNAKES. I was so happy to discover Allen’s now makes blue snakes, in addition to their usual range of red, orange, yellow and green, and can I say, they taste absolutely awesome. I have no idea what ‘flavour’ it’s meant to be, but it deserves a packet of its own.

And that’s all that’s been happening with me.

I think there comes a stage when, on a collective level, all of us reach a certain self-consciousness or self-awareness. It’s a mood that pervades all of us, but all of us somehow hold some conviction that we are the only ones in possession of it, and the general result is that no one can help the other in any substantial way.

What am I talking about?

The approaching end of semester and exams, of course!

Ever since joining facebook, (I know, shoot me) I have felt much more like a university student, and a first year one at that. This is mostly attributed to the networks, (I’m part of Australia National), and the groups that one can join. In particular, there was that one that stood out, I think it was called something along the lines of… “I’ve gotten over the initial hype of uni, now I wish I took a gap year”.

This is exactly how I’m feeling. At the risk of making this a mopey and whiny post, something I’ve (hopefully) avoided so far in my blog, I will make some explanations and give it some rationale it appears logical and consistent.

I feel hopeless at university, to start with. The “ivory tower” that presides over academics and their interactions becomes tiring after a while. While I supposed that high school was just a bad stage one had to pass before getting onto ‘real’ things, I find now that such a description can be applied to unversity just as easily. I haven’t really felt myself intellectually challenged, because most of the time I’m so self-consiously aware that’s what I’m meant to be feeling.

Is it disillusionment?

(Or am I just really tired of studying, and am looking for a justified break?)

Also, the idea that High Distinctions are “exceptional” and have “flair” seems so presumptuous. Markers can’t actually describe what they are looking for in words that are coherent, rather they rely on grandiose rhetorics such as this to describe some general “feeling” that they are looking for. And what is this “individual spirit of thinking” bull? They ascribe some sort of magical quality, some transcendental sensation to assignments that are essentally questions that ask for descriptions, observations, or summaries of other’s works. It’s sort of like a paradox, on one hand they tug and pull at our intellectual channels, and on the other they limit such endeavours by setting questions and word counts that stifle whatever “creativity” they are looking for.

Of course, there are some exceptions to this, like the major essay (3000-3500 words) that I get to write on anything at all within my discipline. But somehow, looking at the question that I have set for myself (i.e. set by my supervisor), I’m not certain of how it will turn out.

I feel a little sad for all my NSG friends, if you’re reading this, who sound almost disappointed when I tell them about all this. My work ethic is such a contrast to last year’s, and if you know what that was, then you must know what a big difference that makes. I have lost motivation to work, to learn, to even make subject choices for next semester, and the such. (All I want to do is make plushies, not even ‘high’ art!)

Hm. On a side note I didn’t sleep until 3 AM last night, so I’m pretty sure this entry will be deleted tomorrow after much revision. (Especially since I’m getting 200% increase in page views since joining facebook)

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PS. Ivy, there is no answer to the question, that is the joke!